I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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