dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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