Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
