I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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