Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
