Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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