Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize