meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
