'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
