Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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