Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Still dying that you shit outside
whose parrot is this?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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