my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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