I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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