I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize