Umm I'm too high to move.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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