Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
