And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
