I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
