Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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