Yo dont text me then not text me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
