I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
