Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
