We're like a lot better than the average bears
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize