I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
