I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Semen is not good for contacts.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
