She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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