I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
