I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
