i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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