This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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