Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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