I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
