so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
