4 words: hood of his car
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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