Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
