i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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