He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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