So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
