The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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