watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't turn off my feet"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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