please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How many fucks given?
0.12846
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
