Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There are leaves in my underwear?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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