so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
