We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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