Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
