If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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