that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
