Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
