Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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