Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just invented taco cereal.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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