Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
