Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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