All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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