Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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