Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
