M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize