it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
