i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
