Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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