I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
