I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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