Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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