I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
