She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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