where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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