Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
