Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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