i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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