brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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