Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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