I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
