you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
