Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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