Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
