you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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