He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize