I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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