I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
