Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
