Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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