Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
