I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
