I will die if light touches me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
