The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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