Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
