I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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