hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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