I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
