High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
