Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
