dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
