This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
