so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
