he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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