her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
