this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
