I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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